Difficult Parents - how to handle?

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Jul 16, 2008
1,520
48
Oregon
This kid's batting stats are pretty similar to the bottom 3-4 girls on our team. We haven't been keeping good fielding stats - something to really focus on for next year.

Use Gamechanger or IScore... that way you don't really have to do anything, it's all there for you. Word of advice when using #'s, do not compare stats of other kids on the team... use overall team stats to compare. And do not allow the parent to try and use other player's performance vs their child.
 

marriard

Not lost - just no idea where I am
Oct 2, 2011
4,312
113
Florida
This is my first year coaching travel, and we have one very difficult parent, who is always complaining about the positions her daughter plays, making comments about other kids (in front of other parents and kids), and confronting the coaching staff during or after games/tournaments. Her kid is great. Not the most talented on the team, but a sweetheart with a good attitude. I've just about had it with the parent though.

We are nearing the end of our season, and I think it would be better for everyone if we asked them not to come back next year. We will be moving from 10U to 12U next season. How as a coach do you do that? I struggle with disappointing the player - she is a sweetheart and its not her fault that her parents are a little delusional.

First - you do need to handle the rest of this season: This parent is banished to center field for their absolute last chance. And if they don't go or are not willing to go, you need to cut ties now before the season is over. You can make it ABSOLUTELY clear that you love their daughter and would love to have her continue, but for this to happen, the disruptions they are causing as a parent have to stop and since they can't seem to do it after been asked repeatedly, it is centerfield or leave. Be willing to cut NOW (no bluffing, no take backs) if necessary because it shows you are not putting up with this - which may help with parents who are on the fence on whether they are staying or not for next season (and there probably are because they don't want to deal with dram parent either).

Next season - easy enough. If CF didn't work for the parent and they still manage to cause disruptions, you have the conversation that goes "You should look for a new team because it is clearly not working for you with this team."

Centerfield does work. We have one dad I have barely talked to at a softball field for 3 years though I do see him in the distance most weekends and many practice and he does join us for team dinners/hotel stays/pool side. Nice guy, just can't control himself at the field - his wife and daughter are fantastic.


Btw, as you become more established you just get rid of these parents. The team is always much better in the long run for removing these cancers.

Last note: They will claim that by getting rid of them, they will take half the team with them and ruin the team and various other threats. This is a total bluff. Even if they take one or two that means more game time for those who remain and you can always find a guest player if needed.
 
Jun 11, 2013
2,619
113
It's very hard to do, but if you don't see this kid ever getting to play the position she wants to play it's something you at least need to tell the parents. She can try for another team then and you can move on. It's hard to see it as a parent sometimes. Often as a parent they see that Little Susie's best position is 2nd base which may be true so in their mind you are not letting her play her best position. On our team we allow everyone to practice at a position they want to play and will sometimes give them a game or innings during pool play, but the HC is brutally honest with them about Sundays.
 
Jul 13, 2015
12
0
This is what I drafted to send them. Any thoughts? This has been extremely helpful guys!

Now that I've had some time to cool down, I wanted to respond to you regarding what was said after the game.

First of all, conversations of this nature with coaches (of any sport) need to be player initiated and take place privately on a non-game day. You are doing your own child a disservice by confronting Bill and I in front of other parents and players. It undermines our role as coaches, and is quite disrespectful. It does more damage to the team to have parents making a scene, then it does good for your child.

Secondly, I have been hearing complaints for some time from other parents who are offended by what you say in the stands about other girls on the team. I absolutely will not name names, but can tell you that I have been approached privately by five different sets of parents who are concerned and frankly, pretty pissed off about what they are hearing coming out of your mouths during games. These are 10-11 year old girls - and are by nature unpredictable. Comparing them out loud or commenting on their play in a negative way is hurtful to parents and to the kids themselves, who most of the time can hear what is being said on the field.

I spent most of my afternoon on Friday trying to address your concerns over email. I thought we had come to some sort of resolution whereby you understood that there is no favoritism, and that we as coaches are always evaluating girls based on their abilities and their work in practice, and that we put them in positions that we feel are the best for the team versus the given opponent. I asked you to trust us and the process. Clearly I was wrong in assuming that you had agreed to do that.

I am very sorry to say this because Player is a very sweet girl who we enjoy coaching, but we will not be asking her back for the 2015-16 season. Dealing with your constant complaints, accusations of unfairness, and brazen confrontational behavior in front of other parents/kids is something we just do not want to take with us up to 12U. Player is of course is welcome to finish the season out with us, but we wanted to give you enough notice to start looking for another option for her for next season.
 
Oct 7, 2014
87
0
Upper Midwest
Sometimes parents 'get it' later. Your daughter may be playing with this girl at 16s. We spend our summers with the parents on our daughters teams, week nights... weekends.... and 'family vacations' (a week in TN at ASAs this year). You never know. My advice is wait until 2-3 days after the last game of the season. Then ask , in person, 'what are you thinking for next year?'. She may make it her idea. If you don't get the answer you crossed your fingers for, then say 'I think it might be best to find a better fit, here's how I can help'. Be that coach. Then if the girl is still playing years later, and you never know, the girls you pegged as studs peak, the girl that couldn't hit does the work.. you may find the parent 'gets it'' and you were the voice of reason years ago, not the 'bad cop'.
 
Oct 7, 2014
87
0
Upper Midwest
Just saw we posted at the same time. To repeat: I'd never do this in an email. And timing is a few days after the season ends. If you need to take action now, insist on the '24 hour rule'. No talk until 24 hours after the game that week or weekend.
 
Jul 13, 2015
12
0
Sometimes parents 'get it' later. Your daughter may be playing with this girl at 16s. We spend our summers with the parents on our daughters teams, week nights... weekends.... and 'family vacations' (a week in TN at ASAs this year). You never know. My advice is wait until 2-3 days after the last game of the season. Then ask , in person, 'what are you thinking for next year?'. She may make it her idea. If you don't get the answer you crossed your fingers for, then say 'I think it might be best to find a better fit, here's how I can help'. Be that coach. Then if the girl is still playing years later, and you never know, the girls you pegged as studs peak, the girl that couldn't hit does the work.. you may find the parent 'gets it'' and you were the voice of reason years ago, not the 'bad cop'.

The parents have already expressed their desire to have their daughter stay on our team. :(

I love the idea of banishing them to center field. I have another parent who can't keep her mouth shut...maybe they can have a little party there.

We are having a parent meeting before our next practice to talk about next year. We are going to have the parent contracts there at that time.

We are playing a late tournament, so tryouts for our organization start 3 days after the end of our last game.
 
Jun 11, 2013
2,619
113
This kid's batting stats are pretty similar to the bottom 3-4 girls on our team. We haven't been keeping good fielding stats - something to really focus on for next year.

It's nice to have them, but IMHO fielding stats are a little harder to quantify. Unless you have the Elias sports guys doing them all you really have is errors. Often the best fielders will have a few more errors because they get to so many more balls. Derek Jeter (I'm a big Yankee fan) wouldn't make a tone of errors later in his career, but had very little range. OF who get to balls in the gaps and turn XBH's into singles aren't reflected in most stats. A 2B who just gobbles up everything will make a bad throw sometimes,etc.
 

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