Am I Out of Line?

As for my DD and playing A level ball, the A team (we are a B team) has asked her to pitch and play for them today and in a tournament this weekend. If they want to make it permanent, before this weekend I would have felt more loyalty to the team. Now it's "catch as catch can"!

Click to expand...

This weekend may be an eye opener for your DD. For better or worse. If the "A" team is intense and focused and the girls are working hard to win games it may help with your DD's view of the sport. She may like it and want to be part of it. OTOH she may say "No way am I going to get this intense over a softball game."

What I've found over the years is if a player has any kind of real competitive drive it will manifest itself when surrounded by like-minded teammates. Sometimes listening to the other players in the dugout is more motivating than anything a coach can say or do.

Good Luck!!!!

Sparky Guy said:

This weekend may be an eye opener for your DD. For better or worse. If the "A" team is intense and focused and the girls are working hard to win games it may help with your DD's view of the sport. She may like it and want to be part of it. OTOH she may say "No way am I going to get this intense over a softball game."

What I've found over the years is if a player has any kind of real competitive drive it will manifest itself when surrounded by like-minded teammates. Sometimes listening to the other players in the dugout is more motivating than anything a coach can say or do.

Good Luck!!!!

Click to expand...

Well, my DD pitched for the A team last night and it didn't go so well. She pitched in the rain and had difficulty pitching effectively, as did the pitcher for the other team. The other complication was the defense was pretty bad behind her and made a lot of mental mistakes and outright errors. So, it was disappointing.

After the game, I decided not to criticize anything, which was certainly a good idea. She asked me how I thought she did. I said about as good as you could do under the circumstances (meaning wet ball, muddy field, etc.). She said, "Do you mean my teammates playing bad defense?" I said, "That, too."

She was disappointed that it didn't go better to the point that she wanted to not pitch for the A team that weekend. In fact, she felt that they might not want her to pitch. Oh well...

My problem is with the HCs on her team. I think that I am on their $hit list. I am not sure whether I want to take the approach, "Oh, so sorry. I just lost it for a moment." Or something along the lines that these girls are here to learn how to play softball. When they don't get ready for games or make mistakes they need to be told about it and told to correct it. What do you think?

RetiredCoach said:

I am not sure whether I want to take the approach, "Oh, so sorry. I just lost it for a moment." Or something along the lines that these girls are here to learn how to play softball. When they don't get ready for games or make mistakes they need to be told about it and told to correct it. What do you think?

Click to expand...

If you say they need to be told when they make mistakes, it will sound like 'you're not doing your job so I did it for you' and they'll become defensive, IMO.

I'd just say you were trying to help the team. That's what you thought they needed to hear at that moment. You want to see them more focused, more intense, and that's what you thought would get it out of them in that situation. No need to apologize unless you think you were out of line.

CoogansBluff said:

If you say they need to be told when they make mistakes, it will sound like 'you're not doing your job so I did it for you' and they'll become defensive, IMO.

I'd just say you were trying to help the team. That's what you thought they needed to hear at that moment. You want to see them more focused, more intense, and that's what you thought would get it out of them in that situation. No need to apologize unless you think you were out of line.

Click to expand...

Thanks for your good advice and perspective! Based on the response to this post, it seems that most people do not believe that I was out of line. And I am not feeling the apology thing. What you said would be the ideal way to frame it to the HCs. So, I'll do it that way.

One thing that my DD said that my response was unexpected from me. I've coach a number of these girls since 4th grade and I have been very "gentle" and controlled most of the time. Now, however, at 14U I feel the bar was raised and my expectations are higher. On the other hand, I think that these coaches still have the rec ball attitude and that is running against my desire to make these girls better players.

As I said in my earlier post I'm not sure that I would have used your tactic, but I don't feel you were out of line. The issue is it doesn't matter if you were or weren't if the other
coaches feel that you were. Coaching as an outsider is no way to go so you have to get it fixed or stop coaching (IMHO). I would talk to HC on the side and say it feels like are
on the outside and see if he agrees. You might even bring up the incident and say you did what you felt was right and ask him if he had a problem with it. It may be that he feels that he should have been the one to decide that. If you can get it handled one way or the other and move on everyone will be happy.

The words and the talk weren’t out of line. It had the opposite effect you hoping for so your delivery may have been a little too intense. It sounds like that’s how the other coach and your daughter saw it anyway. Maybe you need to relax your expectations and accept the team for what it is. Most girls in rec ball are casual players and don’t respond well to “getting yelled at”. Not to say that’s what you did, but it sounds like they took it that way. I think this fall its time to decide if she wants to continue playing with her friends or finding a team that shares her passion for the game.

Chiming in late to say that yes you were out of line...you forgot to say please! J/K No, you were fine...but I think you are wasting your breath if the HCs are not consistent with what you are doing. Very much along the lines of "we parent as a team...together and consistently" and that parents are supposed to be unified when confronting their children. If the other coaches are not backing you up or doing the same as you, I don't think the girls will take you seriously. JM2C.

Another vote for you were not out of line. At 14u level the girls should be able to take a butt chewing without getting their feelings hurt. If someone coming out on the field and telling them that they are playing like crap, and need to pull their collective heads out of their butt is too much for them, then I question their desire to win. They as a group (coaches included) may be absolutely fine with being a mediocre team, and you and your DD need to decide if that is the team and level that you want to be a part of.

Il softball fan said:

Another vote for you were not out of line. At 14u level the girls should be able to take a butt chewing without getting their feelings hurt. If someone coming out on the field and telling them that they are playing like crap, and need to pull their collective heads out of their butt is too much for them, then I question their desire to win. They as a group (coaches included) may be absolutely fine with being a mediocre team, and you and your DD need to decide if that is the team and level that you want to be a part of.

Click to expand...

Yes, we will be doing some soul searching here. I know that I would hope that my DD wants to shoot for a higher level. However, it's her life and her decision; and I will honor her wishes.