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Oct 3, 2009
372
18
So I got out of coaching four years ago and turned my DD over to a great organization where we live and it has worked out well. I was happy watching my DD, chewing sunflower seeds, and occasionally keeping book every weekend in some part of the country and then........

About 6 weeks ago a friend calls and asks me if I could "help a little" with his 12u rec team. He just needs a little help with the pitchers he says, but no big deal because they all have instructors. Next thing you know I am in it deep. Now the nice thing is like many of you this is not my first time and I have no DDs on the team which makes this really enjoyable. But that is not the real point of this post...

We have a pitcher at 12u that is easily 5'9" and a lefty. VERY athletic and great attitude. We play on Thursdays usually and she told me last week that she cannot wait for my email to the pitcher's and catcher's parents on Tuesday on who is going to pitch/catch. I send out the pairings with little blurbs on what I want them to focus on this week. This kid naturally throws with IR and great leg drive but she cannot hit her spots consistently. She has a very natural peel drop because of the spin that she puts on the ball. All this to say the kid is a freakin' natural. But...........

She has a very well-meaning Dad who has no clue about his DD's natural talent and just pitching in general. This is his first child. He literally screams crazy stuff at her from the stands like the classic "xxxx throw strikes!!!!" During last weeks game I go out and visit her in the 3rd because she is clearly rattled despite the fact she is pitching fairly well. I cannot even open my mouth and she looks me dead in the eyes and I MEAN DEAD IN THE EYES and says clearly "Coach can you tell my Dad to stop yelling at me? It is distracting and I cannot pitch." It caught me a little off-guard but I told her I would. And I waited for him to yell one more time which he did so I pulled him aside privately and talked to him. I put it on me and did not mention what she said to me. But I said while she is playing I don't want him yelling at her and I understand she is his DD but during this game she needs to be able to focus on the task at hand and listen to us as coaches. He got mad which I expected. This guy literally has no clue how good his DD is naturally. All he can see is she does not throw strikes.

I am meeting with him tomorrow afternoon before the game. I am not looking for advice just passing along a story.....
 

Greenmonsters

Wannabe Duck Boat Owner
Feb 21, 2009
6,168
38
New England
So I got out of coaching four years ago and turned my DD over to a great organization where we live and it has worked out well. I was happy watching my DD, chewing sunflower seeds, and occasionally keeping book every weekend in some part of the country and then........

About 6 weeks ago a friend calls and asks me if I could "help a little" with his 12u rec team. He just needs a little help with the pitchers he says, but no big deal because they all have instructors. Next thing you know I am in it deep. Now the nice thing is like many of you this is not my first time and I have no DDs on the team which makes this really enjoyable. But that is not the real point of this post...

We have a pitcher at 12u that is easily 5'9" and a lefty. VERY athletic and great attitude. We play on Thursdays usually and she told me last week that she cannot wait for my email to the pitcher's and catcher's parents on Tuesday on who is going to pitch/catch. I send out the pairings with little blurbs on what I want them to focus on this week. This kid naturally throws with IR and great leg drive but she cannot hit her spots consistently. She has a very natural peel drop because of the spin that she puts on the ball. All this to say the kid is a freakin' natural. But...........

She has a very well-meaning Dad who has no clue about his DD's natural talent and just pitching in general. This is his first child. He literally screams crazy stuff at her from the stands like the classic "xxxx throw strikes!!!!" During last weeks game I go out and visit her in the 3rd because she is clearly rattled despite the fact she is pitching fairly well. I cannot even open my mouth and she looks me dead in the eyes and I MEAN DEAD IN THE EYES and says clearly "Coach can you tell my Dad to stop yelling at me? It is distracting and I cannot pitch." It caught me a little off-guard but I told her I would. And I waited for him to yell one more time which he did so I pulled him aside privately and talked to him. I put it on me and did not mention what she said to me. But I said while she is playing I don't want him yelling at her and I understand she is his DD but during this game she needs to be able to focus on the task at hand and listen to us as coaches. He got mad which I expected. This guy literally has no clue how good his DD is naturally. All he can see is she does not throw strikes.

I am meeting with him tomorrow afternoon before the game. I am not looking for advice just passing along a story.....

Does the Dad know this?!
 
Oct 3, 2009
372
18
GM, good question. Yes we talked very briefly after the game and set up the time. He is very well-meaning and I see a lot of me in him.
 

Top_Notch

Screwball
Dec 18, 2014
512
63
Good for you giving your time to others.

My DD was pitching two weeks ago. EVERY pitch my wife (asst. coach and former D1 player) was yelling at my daughter. If it wasn't the wifey, it was the coach, manager, or someone else. I finally lambasted all of them after my daughter shooshed them from the circle!
 
Last edited:
Sep 29, 2014
2,421
113
Try just a very simple "when the players (can keep in general to start) are on the field parents need to stop coaching"...maybe even during next parent/team meeting even if after practice emphasize it for everyone but then talk to him specifically. Biggest issue is that parents don't know what is happening on the field and the kids need to concentrate on cues from coaches not parent. Maybe the coach has the players positioned that way for a reason, maybe we are holding the runner stop screaming GO GO, maybe I have given the pitcher or batter one thing to focus or work on but now the parents in the stands are telling them something different, don't say be aggressive swing the bat because maybe I gave her the take sign, also negative things should never come from the stands.... The only thing that should really come from the stands is cheering after good plays on offense or defense and that is pretty much it, I know it's hard but if you can't do it bring a lawn chair and sit way down the line in the outfield or behind the outfield fence. It is actually interesting there is a whole group (varsity HS parents) that just all hang out at the outfield fence, they know they can't control themselves and the coach has zero tolerance for parents yelling things from the stands so everyone is happy.
 
Oct 11, 2010
8,337
113
Chicago, IL
Good luck with your conversation.

I think some of us obnoxious jerks forget what we were like with the first kid playing sports. Be easy on him.
 
Apr 22, 2015
103
0
N.C., USA
Welcome back!!! I am back after about a 6 year hiatus with a Rec 10U team. We had a couple parents like the one you mention... but my friend who asked me back is the other assistant and is about 6'4" 315 Lbs ;) One nasty look from him and the parents quiet right down.

Good luck in your meeting.
 
Oct 3, 2009
372
18
Quincy, I agree completely. The advantage I have is I have literally made every mistake you can as a pitcher's parent, coach, softball parent in general, etc. I mean that...LITERALLY every mistake. Some of them twice....in the same weekend. So I think I get where he is coming from.

DJC, thanks for the advice and that makes sense. Not only do I want him to stop coaching from the stands but I want him to see that his DD could be a very good pitcher. And living and dying with every pitch when she is 11 is not productive even if he stops coaching from the stands. And I want him to realize that pitching is a process, a complicated set of movements and whether a 15 year old umpire calls the pitch a strike or not is NOT the only indicator of how she is pitching. And that is NOT an attack on the umpiring. They are great. What I am saying is sometimes when she "tries" to throw strikes, she barely drives with her legs and bends at the waist and almost guides the ball. And if she gets a swing and miss or strike call he gets very excited and usually yells something like "Do that again!!!"

Thanks DG. It really is enjoyable not having a DD on the team as well as this being the third time through as well as reading this board for the past 6 years. With my oldest DD like I say I made probably every mistake possible.
 
Last edited:
Oct 22, 2009
1,781
0
Andy, I have a dad similar to this one.

He yells at his DD all the time, he is always disappointed in her and expects more. In reality he cannot see that she is already above average for her age, and worse, I've explained to him that she could be even better but his temperament has made her develop into a fear of failure pitcher. He gets very angry bordering on the edge of violence.
I've talked to the mother, had her crying which I hated, but seriously this kid has so much talent and to see her broke down by her dad is heartbreaking. I told both parents she is a classic case of a kid that loves pitching but will eventually quit because the pressures by her dad are too much. I asked them both, "Would you pitch as a kid if you're parents were doing this to you?".

He was not allowed to attend classes with her, but occasionally he has come to catch when they cannot find anyone else, he is trying to be better, a lot of the damage has already been done though.
 

Cannonball

Ex "Expert"
Feb 25, 2009
4,854
113
Andy, good luck with your meeting. During BB's last college game, I sat next to one of the first guys to coach my child. He was such a good influence. He made a similar comment to the one you made in your OP. IOWs talking about how good my child could be and that we just have to live with the base on balls once in a while. I know you are going to have the same effect on that young lady and hopefully her dad in helping them learn patience.

Edited to add:

BTW, I was never a yeller at my child. Instead, I was a walker. Whenever she got wild, I'd get up and walk. It as apparent that she would stop and look at me though I never realized it. He helped me stay in my seat.
 

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