what to do with "that kid"

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Jun 29, 2013
589
18
I've run into this with my 8 YO. Everyone sits on the bench by rotation, everyone plays IF and OF, but last year she would pitch a fit when she didn't get what she wanted. She is very bright, does well in school, but is also very strong willed with pretty much everyone. She did the same things for her fall coach (I made the decision to let someone else coach her then). What worked for me, during practice, was to make her sit on the bench an be ignored when everyone else was playing. During games, I tried to let other coaches deal with her, but honestly nothing worked. I nearly pulled her out of a game when she pouted and wouldn't pay attention, but one of the other coaches finally got her to get her head into the game just as I was ready. I think it was mostly an age issue, as she has matured a lot in the last year. But finding the right balance between treating your kid like all the others, not giving her special attention AND not treating her worse is a really difficult task. Personacan's suggestion is the best IMO.
 
Oct 22, 2009
1,781
0
It may be time to step back from coaching her.

I took a backseat to head coaching when my DD told me I was too hard on her. I didn't think I was, but decided I would prove I wasn't by turning her over to someone else. I was wrong, no one else would be hard on her, and I really didn't like that. Bit my tongue a lot!

Her senior year of high school we took on a local 10u team and were able to coach together and it was great for us and really great for her because she gained more leadership skills and learned what it's like to be "coachable".
 
Thanks for the suggestions and stories you all shared. I'll admit some of it was tough to hear. I took some time and truthfully analyzed the situation, which was actually not too tough. I realized that I wasn't doing my job, as mom or coach. It's very hard to admit that the very thing causing your grief is stemming from a personal ginormous brain fart!!! My kid works hard, very hard. She shows improvement in one way or another every day. She loves this game and I honestly believe she likes me coaching. So... I stepped up and owned my mistake. The next time we went to practice my goal was to tell my kid only positives. First 5-10 minutes were difficult, she was skeptical. Then she launched a throw 10 ft over my head and I turned back and said chin up you got this... and there it was, I saw the smile. I was too critical of everything. I see such potential in her I got lost in some drill sergeant fix it all now mode trying to help... whoa!! I know its only been a couple weeks and its a long journey but I know her problem was me. I can't believe I didn't see it. Thanks for your help guys!
 
Jul 16, 2013
4,659
113
Pennsylvania
Thanks for the suggestions and stories you all shared. I'll admit some of it was tough to hear. I took some time and truthfully analyzed the situation, which was actually not too tough. I realized that I wasn't doing my job, as mom or coach. It's very hard to admit that the very thing causing your grief is stemming from a personal ginormous brain fart!!! My kid works hard, very hard. She shows improvement in one way or another every day. She loves this game and I honestly believe she likes me coaching. So... I stepped up and owned my mistake. The next time we went to practice my goal was to tell my kid only positives. First 5-10 minutes were difficult, she was skeptical. Then she launched a throw 10 ft over my head and I turned back and said chin up you got this... and there it was, I saw the smile. I was too critical of everything. I see such potential in her I got lost in some drill sergeant fix it all now mode trying to help... whoa!! I know its only been a couple weeks and its a long journey but I know her problem was me. I can't believe I didn't see it. Thanks for your help guys!

Excellent job! Take it from someone that has been there. Everything I did was done in order to support DD, but sometimes I got carried away with the 'coach' part and completely forgot about the 'dad' part. Thanks to great advice from people here, and the wonderful stories from people like cannonball, crankermo, and many, many others I was able to adjust my behavior. Now I think DD's love of the game is even greater than it was before, and more importantly, our relationship has never been better. Hopefully your experience will be as positive as mine has been! Good luck!
 
Dec 7, 2011
2,368
38
have you thought about retiring from coaching?

As somebody that's "been there and done that" in this domain I strongly caution coach-parents of pitchers to think it's the right move to stop being the head coach and give up the reins to another.

I look back and one of the biggest heartburns of being a headcoach-turned-fan is the loss of control of DD's pitch calling. Granted you can get lucky and get a new head coach that aligns well with the pitching strengths of your DD but for us this was a smaller percentage of the rest of the coaches that DD had. Way too many other head coaches would be completely ignorant to the strengths/weaknesses of a specific pitcher rendering a great pitcher into an average pitcher.

DD & I have many a reflecting moment where we would agree that Daddy-coaching-DD can be a difficult scenario BUT DD winces much more at the seasons on a team with non-supportive pitch-coaching....

So when you are weighing the pros/cons take this into consideration.
 

Greenmonsters

Wannabe Duck Boat Owner
Feb 21, 2009
6,168
38
New England
As somebody that's "been there and done that" in this domain I strongly caution coach-parents of pitchers to think it's the right move to stop being the head coach and give up the reins to another.

I look back and one of the biggest heartburns of being a headcoach-turned-fan is the loss of control of DD's pitch calling. Granted you can get lucky and get a new head coach that aligns well with the pitching strengths of your DD but for us this was a smaller percentage of the rest of the coaches that DD had. Way too many other head coaches would be completely ignorant to the strengths/weaknesses of a specific pitcher rendering a great pitcher into an average pitcher.

DD & I have many a reflecting moment where we would agree that Daddy-coaching-DD can be a difficult scenario BUT DD winces much more at the seasons on a team with non-supportive pitch-coaching....

So when you are weighing the pros/cons take this into consideration.

I think it all depends on the kid and YMMV. IMO, there are so many changes for a player (pitcher or not) starting college that it often better for DD to have been weaned from Daddy HC/Daddy PC before they get to college.
 
Oct 22, 2009
1,781
0
As somebody that's "been there and done that" in this domain I strongly caution coach-parents of pitchers to think it's the right move to stop being the head coach and give up the reins to another.

I look back and one of the biggest heartburns of being a headcoach-turned-fan is the loss of control of DD's pitch calling. Granted you can get lucky and get a new head coach that aligns well with the pitching strengths of your DD but for us this was a smaller percentage of the rest of the coaches that DD had. Way too many other head coaches would be completely ignorant to the strengths/weaknesses of a specific pitcher rendering a great pitcher into an average pitcher.

DD & I have many a reflecting moment where we would agree that Daddy-coaching-DD can be a difficult scenario BUT DD winces much more at the seasons on a team with non-supportive pitch-coaching....

So when you are weighing the pros/cons take this into consideration.


When I stepped away from head coaching, I still remained an assistant on the team. I was also pitch caller, not to just to mine but the other pitchers as well. The other parents respected my ability to call pitches and it worked out fine with everyone.
I never could be the "fan". Even in high school and college I'd stand along the fence lines, I felt lost in the stands, felt out of control.
I couldn't listen to parent gossip or gripes. The problems of ex-coaches.
 
Never play daddy ball and make your daughter accountable for her actions as you would any player on the team. If she is a problem then address it and if doesn't work then she has to go. If you are coaching for just your daughters sake then you should leave to and have someone that doesn't have just there daughters best interest in mind takeover. I know it sounds mean but you have to separate your emotions and think about the other 12-13 players that don't deserve that. Also sounds to me if your daughter is worried about just the politics of practices and games and is a distraction it sounds like she isn't into anyway and maybe just playing to make you happy or is being pushed, either way remove her from the team!!!!
 
Mar 21, 2013
353
0
If she is that un-coachable and disrespectful have her sit in the stands in street clothes and her uniform shirt. Then she can answer questions as to why she is not with the team and maybe learn some accountability. If you wouldn't take it from another player, you surely can't take it from your daughter.

And, sorry to those who said the coach should walk away. I don't buy that one bit. There are 11 other girls on that team whom you made a commitment too. they need and depend on you as well.
 
Jul 17, 2012
1,091
38
Thanks for the suggestions and stories you all shared. I'll admit some of it was tough to hear. I took some time and truthfully analyzed the situation, which was actually not too tough. I realized that I wasn't doing my job, as mom or coach. It's very hard to admit that the very thing causing your grief is stemming from a personal ginormous brain fart!!! My kid works hard, very hard. She shows improvement in one way or another every day. She loves this game and I honestly believe she likes me coaching. So... I stepped up and owned my mistake. The next time we went to practice my goal was to tell my kid only positives. First 5-10 minutes were difficult, she was skeptical. Then she launched a throw 10 ft over my head and I turned back and said chin up you got this... and there it was, I saw the smile. I was too critical of everything. I see such potential in her I got lost in some drill sergeant fix it all now mode trying to help... whoa!! I know its only been a couple weeks and its a long journey but I know her problem was me. I can't believe I didn't see it. Thanks for your help guys!

This was a great thread to read through. It's actually been somewhat eye opening to me. I've had my daughter be that pouty little brat at times....granted they were isolated incidents, but none the less it has happened. If I dig deep enough, I can probably pin the vast majority of those on me. I guess you have to catch yourself by paying attention to your words and body language when you talk to your child and compare that to when you're talking to another player. If you're like me, one of the challenges you've got on your hands is to be fair to all, without it looking like you're over pampering your own kid. I think that's where I am afraid....literally. I don't want any of the parents thinking that I am favoring my own kid so I likely at times treat her the worst.
 

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