What Would YOU Do? Please Advise

What would you do?

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Throw a temper tantrum in a quiet place where no one can see me bleed. Then, let my DD play on the team.

Am I just blowing all this out of proportion,

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No.

do I have the right to be angry?

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Yep...but, you don't have a right to take away your DD's love of softball because you were, uhh..., well never mind.

It is just kids sports. There are some really crazy people out there.

KnoxMayhem said:

Unfortunately, there's not many other places to play league games in my area. They're an hour's drive at best. Oh, and those "other" places think my park is the cat's pajamas, if you can believe that. It will likely never change. Same people have run the place for years.

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An hour's drive may be worth every second if it is a better experience.

I hate driving past 3 sets of fields to my DD's practice including one that is literally 5 minutes from my house... but it is SO, SO worth it.

The more I read this thread and your responses, the more it sounds like it is not going to go well. Justified or not - yep, it doesn't matter if you are right or wrong - you have been ostracized from this league and things wont change just because you try to take the high ground.

Don't lose sight of the whole purpose of rec league softball. Friends playing a game with their girl friends. It's really about having fun and it should be about the kids. From my experience, 95% of the drama on the team comes from the parents.

From what you have said there is already a lot of animosity between the old team coaches and new team coaches and you haven't even started the regular season yet! I know you are disappointed and think you deserve to coach the team but the powers that be have chosen a different direction.

Ask your DD that she wants to do and try to be objective. Good luck, most of the posters have been in a similar position as you and can empathize with your situation.

FYI. One thing that jumped out at me from your post was that you said the coach didn't look you in the eyes when you spoke to him because you were female? Do you know for a fact this is the reason or your just guessing?

marriard said:

The more I read this thread and your responses, the more it sounds like it is not going to go well. Justified or not - yep, it doesn't matter if you are right or wrong - you have been ostracized from this league and things wont change just because you try to take the high ground.

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The more I think about this and stew on it all, this is the conclusion I have come to also.

Out in Left Field said:

Knox:
Sorry to be blunt but I find this part is really not so good, regardless of the Mom's issues:
".. J got moved to centerfield in the last scrimmage game, because she won't cover her base and won't field a ball. EVER. Mom wants her to play 3rd. (Don't hate me here - I've been under the gun and player poor all summer. Had to put the kid somewhere.)...."

--And I don't have any kids that are 10. Wow, please take some coaching classes, because it is rec, center field should not be used as punishment, and a kid should play not where the Mom says, but everywhere, and particularly where the kid shows interest. Love of the game creates returning players, not thinking it's the major leagues and you gotta pull players for what, learning? Learning is about failing and trying again.

Not only that but you are assigning willfulness to a kid's simple mistakes. I would leave, too.

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Obviously, you have misunderstood. I only moved J to center because it was a scrimmage game, not for punishment. I constantly tell my kids that every spot on the field is important, otherwise it wouldn't be there. I pulled my pitcher to let the other team's pitcher take the mound for US, she took 3rd, DD took 2nd, and center was an open spot- and that was all based on their individual abilities as players, but MOST IMPORTANTLY, the EFFORT they were giving during the game. (If J would give the effort it takes, she wouldn't make the mistakes.)That's what coaches do. It wouldn't have mattered where I put J, if it wasn't at 3rd base, mom wasn't going to be happy. I can't make everyone happy all the time, and neither can you. Why doesn't J play 3rd? Because she has a rainbow throw that we've been trying to correct with proper mechanics since day one. From 3rd base, her hardest throw doesn't make it past the pitcher.

Also, I've been a teacher for many years. Please do not ever assume that I've not taken any coaching classes, or don't know that this is a game, for little girls, to have fun. That being said, I don't know it all and never will. I am constantly learning, too. But what I do know, is that these girls are not stupid and they still understand what it feels like to lose games over and over and over again. As coaches, I feel we should be guiding them in the right direction to help them win some games so they can have fun playing softball, not let them just run the field and draw daisies in the dirt and paint their fingernails in the dugout. That's what sleepovers are for.

Rocketech1 said:

FYI. One thing that jumped out at me from your post was that you said the coach didn't look you in the eyes when you spoke to him because you were female? Do you know for a fact this is the reason or your just guessing?

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He never looked up and typed on his phone faster when I spoke to him. When my husband spoke, he typed some but at least made eye contact. This man is not shy or nervous, and I don't know him so I won't blatantly call him sexist, but he was very disrespectful and more so toward me.

In reading the OP, my first reaction was that this was another crazy 10U parent/coach ranting and raving. ONE girl (J) did not ruin your DD's entire fall softball experience. Your DD still has the opportunity to play softball, and still has the opportunity to have a great fall season. ONLY YOU and your reaction to the situation, and how your DD sees you dealing with the situation, will determine whether DD's fall ball experience has been ruined. This is rec league, and there is no drama if the parents keep it together and act like adults (which usually does not happen in rec leagues, unfortunately).

My $0.02:

Rec is about fun and development, not W-L. If your DD is good enough for TB and there are TB opportunities, she's got no business being in rec. If she's happy playing, let her play. If she's unhappy, use it as a teaching moment on how to work through a crappy situation. It's about her.

Ray

PA SB Dad said:

In reading the OP, my first reaction was that this was another crazy 10U parent/coach ranting and raving. ONE girl (J) did not ruin your DD's entire fall softball experience. Your DD still has the opportunity to play softball, and still has the opportunity to have a great fall season. ONLY YOU and your reaction to the situation, and how your DD sees you dealing with the situation, will determine whether DD's fall ball experience has been ruined. This is rec league, and there is no drama if the parents keep it together and act like adults (which usually does not happen in rec leagues, unfortunately).

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This is the bottom line here!!!

sluggers said:

Throw a temper tantrum in a quiet place where no one can see me bleed. Then, let my DD play on the team..

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I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one who does this!