Thread: A Softball dad's confession (My personnal experiance)

And I hope it will not stop with softball. Congratulations on your new dd!

I always have "The Talk" with the parents of a my students once they get to the point the kids are pitching in games. The gist of the talk usually consists of telling them to be calm on the sidelines. I tell them yell and cheer the team on as loud as they cheer for their own daughter. I also tell them their kids can see them running up and down the fence line looking all nervous. Then I give them some distractions to help themselves, not the kids.

I have a student with a very involved mom so I included the player when I talked to the mom. During the conversation I asked the daughter how it made her feel when she saw her mom pacing during tense game situations. She and came right out and told her mom it made her feel nervous. The mom had no idea how it made her daughter feel. From what the daughter tells me mom has been much better on the sidelines since then.

People used to ask me how I could remain so clam during tense situations when my DD was pitching. I would tell them it wasn't me on field. I had no reason to be nervous. I always had every confidence my DD would prevail, and most times she did. She put in the time to be a good pitcher.

Before I coached I had the same approach. its a learning curve for dads and coaches. The good thing is their are resources on here and the web to help educate us on our actions vs our intentions. Well done for using the information.

I wish more coaches and dads in my region would do the same thanks for the positive story.

Kudos for changing your perspective. I learned a long time ago,
that regardless of DD performance, I told her simply, "I enjoyed watching
you play today" this statement sometimes allowed her the opportunity to self critique
and I am more a listener than anything. We have a great relationship and very
open communication

I struggle with this also. I do not have a very good poker face. When I do fall back into that behavior and catch myself I tell my DD that dads are human too and make mistakes. Lets learn from it and move on.

Last summer, my husband told my daughter (after a rough outing on the mound) that everyone was counting on her...the team and the parents. as soon as it came out of his mouth.....he knew he shouldnt have said it (it was in the heat of the moment...emotions, etc). I tried to fix it right at that moment....but it was too late. Once she heard those words...it put the world on her shoulders and she literally couldnt throw for almost 3 weeks. we had to go back to her pitching coach for a few lessons to get it back. Int hose 3 weeks, I had never seen her hit so many batters and wild pitches. The words that my husband said got inside her head and almost ruined her.

We both learned from that experience. Our words as parents affects our DD's more then we may know.

I used to do the same. I read a few articles about parents running their mouths and decide to try and keep it shut. Lo and behold, she played better. From that point on, I have kept quiet at games and we talk about the way she played afterwards. I tell her what she did great and she often solicits advice from me to what I saw her do wrong. I learned to never criticize, but to give a good breakdown of what little things I would tweak when she hits the field for the next game. It has worked for us pretty well. She's happier and I am happier to have a better more adult kind of relationship with my kid. It is better than the old criticize and yell routine that I was subject to when I was a kid - the old school coaching method.

Originally Posted by Coach JV

I told her simply, "I enjoyed watching
you play today"

I really like this thought, thank you for sharing!

Awesome post! Last week in the car, I knew I shouldn't say anything.....I even thought "this is a demon in my head" I was fighting with, why do I want to talk about the game so bad? I love this girl more then anything, if I talk about the game, it is going to hurt her. I fought in my head for about 20 miles, then opened my stupid effin mouth.