Thread: Help with coach issue, please?

We are having an issue with our coach and I am unsure about how to handle it. I am apologize in advance for being softball stupid so please bear with me.

My daughter plays for an 8u travel team. She was the lead catcher, but the problem we are having is that he keeps switching her position. He never plays her as catcher during practice, he puts her in the outfield, and he even switches her from lf, cf and rf. However, he'll put her in nearly every other inning as catcher in the tournaments and then gets upset with her if she messes up. He even decided one tournament that she was going to play the pitching position (never played before-not even practice) and again got upset with her for mistakes. They have played 4 tournaments and she has played 5 different positions. I'm not sure what he is trying to do here, but I know she is very confused, and getting very discouraged. He seems to do this with a few players, but most of the infield know their position. Is this something I should approach him about or is there a method to his madness?

The second issue we have is that his daughter is a major brat and bully and she gets away with everything! On most teams we have been on, the coach seems to be a little harder on his own dd, but it is the complete opposite on this team. She tells him what position she is going to play, she'll goof off during games and refuse to hit, she will even hit and tease the girls in the dugout, but there are absolutely no consequences. It's almost as if he is afraid of her. Today, his daughter spent the better part of practice sitting in the grass because she was tired, but he was making some of the girls do push ups for making mistakes and she was laughing about it. Of course my kid was doing those push ups so it really ticked me off. But am I wrong to think that is absolutely insane to let this kid carry on like this? Every parent I have talked to has had something to say about this little girl's behavior...it's crazy! But what do I say that won't be received badly? And can he kick my dd off the team if I have a complaint?


I feel like I should step in somehow, but im not sure if that will help her or hurt her in this situation. It just feels like he is setting her up to fail every time and it's really starting to get her down and making her dislike a game she loved to play just a few months ago.

Originally Posted by 8utbmom

...apologize in advance for being softball stupid so please bear with me.

My daughter plays for an 8u travel team.

You could've stopped right there. LOL

She was the lead catcher, but the problem we are having is that he keeps switching her position. He never plays her as catcher during practice, he puts her in the outfield, and he even switches her from lf, cf and rf. However, he'll put her in nearly every other inning as catcher in the tournaments and then gets upset with her if she messes up. He even decided one tournament that she was going to play the pitching position (never played before-not even practice) and again got upset with her for mistakes. They have played 4 tournaments and she has played 5 different positions. I'm not sure what he is trying to do here, but I know she is very confused, and getting very discouraged. He seems to do this with a few players, but most of the infield know their position. Is this something I should approach him about or is there a method to his madness?

The second issue we have is that his daughter is a major brat and bully and she gets away with everything! On most teams we have been on, the coach seems to be a little harder on his own dd, but it is the complete opposite on this team. She tells him what position she is going to play, she'll goof off during games and refuse to hit, she will even hit and tease the girls in the dugout, but there are absolutely no consequences. It's almost as if he is afraid of her. Today, his daughter spent the better part of practice sitting in the grass because she was tired, but he was making some of the girls do push ups for making mistakes and she was laughing about it. Of course my kid was doing those push ups so it really ticked me off. But am I wrong to think that is absolutely insane to let this kid carry on like this? Every parent I have talked to has had something to say about this little girl's behavior...it's crazy! But what do I say that won't be received badly? And can he kick my dd off the team if I have a complaint?


I feel like I should step in somehow, but im not sure if that will help her or hurt her in this situation. It just feels like he is setting her up to fail every time and it's really starting to get her down and making her dislike a game she loved to play just a few months ago.

'On most teams we have been on'? Your daughter's 8. How many teams could she possibly have been on by this age?

Your post sums up a lot of what is wrong with the entire concept of 8u TB. At 8u, even the best little starlets are still learning basic playing skills, and they learn by playing various positions in games.

Unless you live in an isolated area that has no rec program, you need to move your daughter to rec ball for at least another year or two. Regarding the team you're currently with, you ought to put your concerns in writing and send them to the coach. Then discuss the matter in person and if he's unwilling to improve the PARENTING issue he has, you should move your daughter quickly. Daddyball is fine, but why pay to keep your daughter in an environment like the one you described?

Like I said, though, move to rec.

My daughter has been playing rec since she was 4 (9 now), she has played on 4 different tball/softball rec teams and played all different positions. We are easy going parents, we never took it seriously. I was just keeping her busy.until she was approached by the coach of this travel team. He said that she was good enough to play more competitively and that in rec, we take the chance of some clueless coach teaching her all of the wrong things which will hurt her in the future. The main reason we don't up and quit is that we have $500 plus 6 months of practice wrapped up in to it and she has committed to the team, not just the coach. Plus, I just don't think teaching my kid to quit when things get tough is a good lesson. I never thought it was a bad idea to show her every position until i saw that he wasn't moving the girls around like he does mine and not giving her the practice she needs in the positions he has her play in the actual tournaments, kwim? That just makes no sense to me?

Of course, you are right. But, he probably can't teach her the catching position anyway. Either take her to private lessons or get The New England Catching Coach's DVD. Teach her the correct overhand throw and how to hit.

Now, is a good time to tell her that life isn't fair and you don't know what the problem is with the coach's daughter, but she is to be nice to her and mind her own business. Good luck.

They're 8yo!! I'm guessing your not from southern California

IMO.....Coaches kid, not much you can do there....she's 8yo, as far as bullying then yes call the coach 24hrs after the games, Never a good thing trying to harp at the coach right after/during a tournament.

Every parent I have talked to has had something to say about this little girl's behavior...it's crazy! But what do I say that won't be received badly? And can he kick my dd off the team if I have a complaint?

Anything you say i'm guessing will be received negatively......and yes he can kick your DD off the team.
Heres my take.....sounds like a newly formed travel team that daddy wanted to create cause his DD had issues with every team she was on...keep in mind they are 8yo. Coach probably recruited a bunch of skilled athletes but has no skills himself running a TB team...I'm sorry but 8yo kids should NEVER do push ups as diciplinary acts, they shouldn't be disciplined at all.....being benched will get any message across. And why would he make your DD pitch if shes never pitched before!!?? If this is a travel team organization that has a few teams at each age level then there has to be a CEO type person....thats the person you(and other disgrunteled parents) should talk to. If its just this 1 team.....either do what Amy suggests or leave and take the $500 as a learning lesson to do research on what your commiting to. In this day and age its not uncommon for kids to leave teams mid season to switch to another team. Another thing to do is during your tournaments talk to parents on other teams and get a feel for what life is like in travel softball on a real team. I'd hate to see your DD have a sour taste for softball due to a horrible experience at the age of 8!!! rec ball is sooo much fun but rec ball has its own adult drama. When talking to parents on other teams, especially teams that you see run smoothly and siccessfully. They will be the ones telling you how great of an experience the whole TB world is. In the meantime if your DD like to pitch....get her a few pitching lesson. If she really likes catching...get her a few catching lessons. If she really like softball...get her a few hitting lessons.
BTW...DD not only stands for Darling Daughter....it also stand for Dollar Drainer Good Luck!!

I'm 27 and if my coach told me to do push-ups for making an error I'd tell him where to go! (in language not suitable for this board) Getting six and seven year old to do push-ups for making mistakes is insane.

The problem is, as others have pointed out, is you have your daughter playing 8U travel. I was younger than your daughter when I started playing (t-ball) and I was playing what we call modball (smaller ball, smaller bases) at the age she is now. But I was LEARNING, as is every other kid on that field.

His daughter sounds like any other seven year old, which is how he is treating her. Problem is, he isn't treating everyone else like any other seven year old.

Honestly, get off this team. It sounds like a nightmare.

The only bit I think you're overreacting to is him training your daughter in other positions. That is a GOOD thing. She should know more than just catcher. The problem is that he isn't teaching your daughter to catch and then expecting her to play there.

Oh and yes, you will get punished for saying something about his daughter. Either by yours being kicked off the team, or by less playing time. As pathetic as it is, there are plenty of grown men who will hurt little girls to get back at their parents.

Originally Posted by 8utbmom

My daughter has been playing rec since she was 4 (9 now), she has played on 4 different tball/softball rec teams and played all different positions. We are easy going parents, we never took it seriously. I was just keeping her busy.until she was approached by the coach of this travel team. He said that she was good enough to play more competitively and that in rec, we take the chance of some clueless coach teaching her all of the wrong things which will hurt her in the future. The main reason we don't up and quit is that we have $500 plus 6 months of practice wrapped up in to it and she has committed to the team, not just the coach. Plus, I just don't think teaching my kid to quit when things get tough is a good lesson. I never thought it was a bad idea to show her every position until i saw that he wasn't moving the girls around like he does mine and not giving her the practice she needs in the positions he has her play in the actual tournaments, kwim? That just makes no sense to me?

WOW........500 bucks for an 8U team.......WOW

Originally Posted by sluggers

4 hour practices for 8U rec ball kids. Pushups for 8U girls for making mistakes. Where are they getting these coaches?

4 hours practices are not the norm? We have had our share of those. We usually have 2-3 hour practices 2-3 times a week, though. He has been doing this since Christmas break, but he did give the team 6 days off last week for spring break. We couldn't research the team because this is the first year the organization has had an 8u, and his first year coaching a travel ball team. I know he coached rec one year for sure and that they won the championship. The push ups is something he just started. My kid doesn't mind doing them. it's actually an ineffective punishment for her because she is very athletic and loves to work out, but allowing other kid's to laugh at her for it is totally wrong. His kid said " Hey, let's all stop and watch so and so (my kid) do her push ups ha ha ha" She was standing directly behind the coach so I know he heard her. Every parent out there heard her! I swear I am not picking on this kid, she is a good player but she is just ugly to nearly every girl out there. She told one girl the only reason she can hit so hard is because she is fat! I really can go on and on about this kid.

Our commitment fees for the spring season were almost $250, but we got some sponsorship money from my husbands work so we're in $500. Not including the $200 bat he suggested and other equipment. Our rec season is already underway and we don't have the money to play on another team. Actually we are the only 8u team in our county and I am not sure she is ready for 10u.

I guess I am just going to have to let it go. It doesn't seem like there is anything I can do to help my kid out here without making it worse for her. :/

As much as we protect our children from harm I'm curious to know her take on it all? Is it that much of a distraction where your DD dreads participating?