Thread: Daddyball-ism

Well, heaven forbid if your dd doesn't have an absolutely perfectly level surface to try to win playing time. After all, we know that bias doesn't exist in any other arena she may face in life. HS coaches are perfect, employers are perfect, etc. Maybe you are doing dd a disservice by trying to eliminate obstacles. After all, reality says she will face bias and obstacles the rest of her life. She is female, and I don't care what you say, in many fields, she will be discriminated against on that alone.

Then there is the reality of softball. The very small minority are going on to play anywhere after HS. So if your ego dictates that she must play in college, by all means, select a team on the basis of whether a Dad coaches the team.

As someone mentioned though, I anxiously await someone willing to volunteer 500 hours and $3-4000 this year to coach my daughter's team. But while I wait, I will proceed with offering what little I have to offer. It's not much though, since I am clearly stupid and incapable of offering any real coaching, being a Dad and all.

There are clearly (at least) two different conversations happening here - one concerning 14-and-over and another dealing with under-14.

There were only two pitchers available in our 10u rec league draft. I could easily have passed on the second one and made my DD our #1 starter. But instead, she'll get the chance to not only compete for innings, but also to learn by observing and working closely with an older player.

As a coach and 'daddy-coach', I made the best decision to help our team (on paper) be more competitive this year.

As 'Daddy', I did not want DD to face such an incredible amount of pressure by being our #1 starter. Because she's so young, it's my belief that there needs to be a progression to that, so yes, part of my rationale was to protect her and another part was to give her a peer mentor.

Replace me with almost any other coach and a majority of them would've also chosen to have a 10yo #1 vs an 8yo #1. Make no mistake, though, while Momo is our clear #2 right now, she has every intention of competing for the #1 slot. I'm still new to the job of being coach, but as Daddy, I'd like to think I've done at least a few things right - and gotten really lucky - along the way to the point where we are now.

I'm not discounting what you guys are saying about the majority, but I am saying that, as of right now, I'm fully committed to remaining her coach for 3 years at 10u. Yes, other girls are going to have to compete with her for infield playing time, but the reason for that is that she's one of the best players in the league - something she has worked her butt off to become - not because she's a coach's kid.

Originally Posted by sluggers

No one questions your coaching ability.

I have been a Daddy-Daughter coach, and I probably put in 1500 hours per year into the team. I enjoyed it. I loved the kids. But, my DDs wanted to play in college. SO:

I took the 1500 hours and the $3000 I was putting into the teams, and I put that time and money into my DDs. So, one was a D1 all-conference pitcher and the other won an NCAA championship in hoops. By the way, there is nothing like seeing your DD holding that trophy.

Don't make me break out the trophy photo. Oops--too late. DD played on a four Daddy ball team with her teacher as the fifth coach. Won the tournament and we couldn't have been happier.

Awesome slugger! Here was my daddyball decision.

1) DD#2 play rec league only and compete at a very poor level. No TB team in her age group in our town or nearby. I could fool myself and think she is getting "enough" training to compete at a high level by HS.

or

2) Decide to step up and start a TB team so she could compete at a high level. Recruit, hold try-outs, learn as much as I could, invest in necessary equipment, practice, practice, practice & then play tournaments with other TB teams. Learn, practice, play games. Repeat...

I chose #2 and I believe DD#2 is a much better ball player as a result...So are 11 other girls.

Can you completely take off the "Dad" hat, of course not? But if you are a decent person and want to teach kids and learn yourself, its not that complicated. I try to treat all the kids on my team like my dds.

That being said, DD#1 plays for other coaches and I love that. She is 16yrs old and plays a lot of TB and HS ball. She has played TB since she was 8 yrs. Finally, DD#3 is 8 yrs old and made it on a real young 10U TB team. Coach played D1 college ball and is an alum of that Big Ten school. Nice lady & has a DD of her own on the team. So, it this Mommyball? lol.

I respect the opinions that don't paint all parent/coaches the same shade as the worst examples people can dredge up. I apreciate and applaude the accomplishments of the players that have been used as examples of how to do it right.

Allow me to counter with an example of my own.
How about the guy who starts a travel ball team in his community. Tends it well and grows it to a full organization of six teams covering all ages that teaches the girls to be competitive and win against the All-Star travel teams from the area and yes even the stud programs from the major cities from time to time. A program that provides the players to our school that has allowed us to be a credible threat for the IHSA championship year in and year out for about a decade. A program that gave 7 of 7 graduating seniors on our school ball team the opportunity to defer part of thier educational expense by playing softball last year. Not to mention all the girls that got the same opportunity. Yep, he was a Daddyball coach for the first 8 or so years of that.

or

I could say screw it and devote all my time and energy into driving my kid hours away to try and find better instruction and better opportunities than what I can get right here simply because I won't have to be involved as a coach. Because my involvement is a deal breaker.

I appreaciate your opinions. I'm happy that you all are so satisfied with your choices that you think that your choices made in the context and conditions you had available that you feel confident enough to to state with such conviction that your choice is correct universaly for all parent/coaches without any knowledge or understanding of thier individual circumstances.

I'd rather strive to be like the guy in my example and fail, than to not even try. I don't think trying to open doors for other kids is going close many or even any doors for mine. I hope I'm right in that, time will tell.

Had he taken the advice presented here. I doubt my daughter would be playing softball, and if she was she'd be playing at a rec level at best. That would be the only option available without an hour commute to and from practice. I wouldn't have found out how much fun it is to coach or have found out that by golly I'm pretty good at it and getting better all the time. I'm sure glad none of you were around to offer him your sage advice back in the day.

I'm pretty sure for every aweful daddy coach story that can be dredged up the community at large could line up several examples of people that are able to do it well. For some reason people focus on the negative and it's just not cool to be positive and sing the praises of those who do it right. Sign of the times.

Bishop, I agree with you. If I hadn't had a daughter, I would not have ever started coaching. You can look for a team with a coach that doesn't have a DD on the team all you want but I'll guarentee you that they did at one time or another. Being a coaching dad is a no win situation. If you have 12 girls on the team, then 3 players parents are going to claim daddy ball if your DD starts. Tallent level does not matter, but it is understandable.

No parent will believe that their DD deserves to be on the bench, especialy in TB. And these are the same parents that have not and probably never will volunteer to coach. If they do, it is for one reason only; DD will start. Why not? thats what all the other coaches do.

We had a new organization start up in our area last year with the adds proudly announcing: No Daddy Ball here! No coaches with girls on the team! Only high level PAID coaches! Sounded like softball eutopia. Started up in the fall with 2 teams in each of 4 age groups. Went bust in the spring. Some teams kept going with parents taking over as coaches. Lots of girls looking for teams in the middle of the season.

Thank You to all the coaches (including dads) who coach for the right reasons.

Lots of generalizations and stereotypes, but if I'm going to err with generalizations, I believe its safer and more productive to err on Slugger's side. IMO, after 14U, you can help your DD more by not coaching her team, but working with her independently. Its all a part of letting go and giving her the chance to make her own way and develop into an independent young adult. A number of the ones who have taken this approach are found at TB games far from the dugout/stands and have half bitten off tongues.