Getting the Axe

So as first year TB parents, it became very apparent we were on the wrong team for us (or anyone really). We decided weeks ago to stick it out to the end even though it was apparent we had enough verbal and emotional abuse of the whole team.

We still hadn't said anything since the season just ended last weekend for us and we had a few other team things this week.

Today, HC sends nicely worded brief email that we are not invited back and he is taking team a "different direction". I think that direction, which was 0-11 in our last 11 games, already started. Team is on the verge of implosion.

My question is, is this how you typically get dumped, by email? We've never had words with the coach, mind you, but tension has been building.

Seems kind of cheesy, but maybe this is how things work. We already have some private tryouts lined up, but it is now official.

Coaches handle this in a few different ways. Some call, others email or text, and the rest avoid the parents like the plague.

Lenski said:

Coaches handle this in a few different ways. Some call, others email or text, and the rest avoid the parents like the plague.

Click to expand...

Thinking about it, I realize now that this coach would never call or talk to anyone. Apparently he sent emails out to everyone today either inviting back or in our case, telling us to move on. DD's friend, who HC has repeatedly badmouthed to the other parents was invited back, even though he's been telling everyone else he was not asking her back.

I will say that all the red flags were there and then some from the beginning, some more apparent than others. We joined in late winter and as a result our options were not what they are now. I am in some ways glad that we saw this for a year so I know for sure what to look for (and what to avoid) for tryouts coming up.

What age division, and what were the goals of the team?

I coached 4 seasons of 10U/12U, and I think I cut loose only 2 players. One was immature, and I basically told the dad as much, and he agreed. The other was a good kid with good parents but short on ability and didn't put in the time to to get better. Not all kids needed to work hard to keep up at that stage, but she wasn't one of them. That was tough. She was part of tryouts, because I hadn't ruled out taking her back, but we got better players. I called the dad. They were a little surprised and a little hurt. Don't think she ever played again, though, which confirmed to me that her heart wasn't into it enough to keep up with the rest. Still not at peace with that one, though, not because it was the wrong decision, but because it's tough to hurt the feelings of a 12-year-old who is a good kid.

Cutting a player is never easy. At least not for me. I recall one time making a cut in basketball where I had to cut a kid I really liked. As with all cuts, I did it in person. He was sitting in a chair and started crying. He told me that he would have rather I posted a list. He said that he really liked me a lot and that this really hurt him a lot. I told him it was the right thing to do it in person. He told me that it was right for me but that for him, he has to go out of that office knowing his basketball days are over while everyone sees him crying. So, again, there is not an easy way to do this

This is a group of 12Us (all but one 2003) moving up to 14U as a team, sort of. Of 11 girls, only 3 had TB experience before this year.

The stated goals of the team were to build a team that would become competitive while giving the girls a chance to develop individually with less emphasis on W-L and more on improvement. HC's DD and my DD are pitchers. When we joined in Feb, HC told me we will pitch by committee and everyone will get time. At the time his DD was clearly #1, and there was a #3 and emergency pitcher. DD seemed like a great fit, not really a #1 but a solid #1A or #2 on a team that needed one. At the first tournament, we far exceeded expectations and made the finals with the pitch by committee plan and things were great. Since then, we really lost focus of what we said we were doing and as I said, we lost the last 11 games we played on the field. We are a 12B team, very average at best. We entered a 14B tournament recently 150 miles from home - I'll let you guess how that went.

Anyway, since I first posted I found out there is at least one other girl who was also not invited back. While I won't bore you with specifics, this situation is clearly the dictionary definition of Daddy Ball as posted in some of the other warning threads I have read. I just was initially surprised to just see that email pop up today. Not that I didn't see it coming, just that via an email of three sentences seemed a little short after DD going through a season of putting up with him. It was an abrupt end to what turned out to be an unpleasant season.

Red flags are so obvious in retrospect, aren't they? Harder to see in real time. I think I'd prefer an email. That's just my personality though.

Things happen for a reason. Move forward and Godspeed....

Don't waste another minute trying to figure out this previous coaches actions. Move forward and determine how you and your dd can excel with her new team.

Probably should have done in person, but at least you know what the deal is and can move on. It sounds like you were out anyway and I'm sure he knew that so let it go. What you need to do now is make an honest assessment of your DD and see where to go next. TB can be so much fun or it can be a nightmare. Before you join a team do some research and see how they are.