My DD Snuck out, I am at a loss how to deal with this.

Welcome to Discuss Fastpitch

Your FREE Account is waiting to the Best Softball Community on the Web.

Apr 3, 2011
51
0
My DD stayed the night at another players house, and snuck out, she is 16.
When the other parent let me know I asked my DD if she did that and she said she did.

Any suggestions on how to handle this, I am at a complete loss.

If the time frame is different would your suggestion be altered?
This happened over a month ago and the other parent decided to not tell our family because she didn't want the consequences to effect the “High School” softball season.




I will give the entire context if anyone thinks it will assist in them deciding what they would do given the same situation.
 
Oct 11, 2010
8,337
113
Chicago, IL
I asked my DD if she did that and she said she did.

Even with the entire context I think it would hard for anyone to give a good opinion, we have our handful with our own DDs. But I am not above saying a couple things:

1) There would be consciences
2) The quote above would limit them to some extent
3) I would not be happy with the other family
 
Apr 3, 2011
51
0
1) There would be consciences
This is an absolute, the problem I am having is it was over a month ago, given the time frame should that have any impact on them? TBH, at this point I am at a loss as to what the consequences will be. I do know she needs has to take responsibility for the position she put the other family in.

2) The quote above would limit them to some extent
Yes, I think this helps.

3) I would not be happy with the other family
I have learned a valuable lesson, and my DD needs to take the initiative and apologize for putting them in an unfortunate position.

Thank you very much for your response.
I do understand everyone has "stuff" to deal with, and I would like to learn from anyone who has had a an experience that is even remotely similar.
 
Oct 22, 2009
1,532
0
PA
How can you be at a loss about consequences??!! Here are a few for starters:
1. No more sleep overs. Ever.
2. No more contact with this teammate outside of school and softball.
3. Grounded forever (or whatever time seems right to you, then double it).
4. No learners permit/drivers license, or car until she is 18.
5. If softball is so important that the other parent felt that you should not know, no softball for the same time period that it took for you to find out.
These may be over the top, but seriously, she snuck out with a friend, got caught, and didn't own up to it before someone else told you? And a month has lapsed? I am not here to tell you how to raise your kid, but I hold mine kids accountable.
 
Feb 17, 2014
7,152
113
Orlando, FL
What is the end game? Is the punishment for the sake of punishment or will you use this as a teaching moment to modify future behavior? Why are you upset? Is it the dishonesty? Is it the risky behavior? Does she understand what could have happened? I do not know you, her or the situation well enough to offer advice but I would suggest that you figure out what you want to be the end result and work your way back from there.
 
Apr 3, 2011
51
0
How can you be at a loss about consequences??!! Here are a few for starters:
1. No more sleep overs. Ever.
2. No more contact with this teammate outside of school and softball.
3. Grounded forever (or whatever time seems right to you, then double it).
4. No learners permit/drivers license, or car until she is 18.
5. If softball is so important that the other parent felt that you should not know, no softball for the same time period that it took for you to find out.
These may be over the top, but seriously, she snuck out with a friend, got caught, and didn't own up to it before someone else told you? And a month has lapsed? I am not here to tell you how to raise your kid, but I hold mine kids accountable.

We have been fortunate to not have had to deal with her doing anything this severe before, I am at a loss because of this.
1 Yes, this is the case.
2. This also will be the case
3. That was my first response, second response, and still what I think, my wife disagrees somewhat.
4. She now has lost her driving privileges.
5. School ball is over now.

I also hold my kids accountable, because a month has passed, it seems harder.
 
Feb 17, 2014
7,152
113
Orlando, FL
In a nutshell she has proven herself untrustworthy. As such anything requiring your trust of her is no longer possible. She needs to learn this life lesson. Over time provide her with opportunities to once again prove herself trustworthy at which point the sanctions you impose will be gradually lifted.
 
Apr 3, 2011
51
0
What is the end game? Is the punishment for the sake of punishment or will you use this as a teaching moment to modify future behavior? Why are you upset? Is it the dishonesty? Is it the risky behavior? Does she understand what could have happened? I do not know you, her or the situation well enough to offer advice but I would suggest that you figure out what you want to be the end result and work your way back from there.

You asked a great question and I am struggling to answer it. "What do I want the end result to be"
 

Forum statistics

Threads
42,830
Messages
679,482
Members
21,445
Latest member
Bmac81802
Top