DD Calls It Quits

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Dec 5, 2012
4,143
63
Mid West
My 16u team has desolved due to 2/3 of my players getting jobs, boyfriends, or whatever...
So, I talked to my DD about several offers to play with other programs. She decided on the closest and smallest program because "I don't want my whole like to be all about softball" she said.
Truth is, IMO she has gotten lazy. So much so that she's quit pitching all together because "it's too time consuming". So last night as I'm instructing her that her new teams practice starts in 45 min, and to get changed. She replied that she didn't want to play for them or anybody. She quits. This is after I've paid dues and bought uniforms of course. I proceeded to throw a complete tantrum. I was soooo pissed!
I'm in a bind now, because the father in me says to make her see her commitment through... but I also realize that this is just a game and is supposed to be fun for her.
Anyone got any advise?
 
Nov 29, 2009
2,975
83
My 16u team has desolved due to 2/3 of my players getting jobs, boyfriends, or whatever...
So, I talked to my DD about several offers to play with other programs. She decided on the closest and smallest program because "I don't want my whole like to be all about softball" she said.
Truth is, IMO she has gotten lazy. So much so that she's quit pitching all together because "it's too time consuming". So last night as I'm instructing her that her new teams practice starts in 45 min, and to get changed. She replied that she didn't want to play for them or anybody. She quits. This is after I've paid dues and bought uniforms of course. I proceeded to throw a complete tantrum. I was soooo pissed!
I'm in a bind now, because the father in me says to make her see her commitment through... but I also realize that this is just a game and is supposed to be fun for her.
Anyone got any advise?

It's time for her to realize that all of the life choices she makes will have consequences. Some good, some bad. At 16 years old you are not going to make her play ball. If they are playing at that age they are playing for themselves, not for anyone else.

So what are your options? What I would do is tell her that's fine if she no longer wants to play ball. (As you noticed with the other girls on your team. Her decision about ball is not worth the damage it can do to your father/daughter relationship.) I would tell her that she is going to do something else other than hang with her friends with her extra time. Then tell her she needs to pay back the money you spent on uniforms and fees that was spent based on her decision to play for a team. Again, it's not about the money. It's about the consequences to her for changing her mind. Small life lesson.
 
Jun 27, 2011
5,089
0
North Carolina
Truth is, IMO she has gotten lazy. So much so that she's quit pitching all together because "it's too time consuming". So last night as I'm instructing her that her new teams practice starts in 45 min, and to get changed. She replied that she didn't want to play for them or anybody. She quits. This is after I've paid dues and bought uniforms of course. I proceeded to throw a complete tantrum. I was soooo pissed!
I'm in a bind now, because the father in me says to make her see her commitment through... but I also realize that this is just a game and is supposed to be fun for her.
Anyone got any advise?

I would not conclude that she is lazy. Being lazy is not wanting to put in the work for something you really want. It might be she just doesn't want it. That's what it sounds like to me. She doesn't believe the reward of being a good or better pitcher to her is worth the effort. Might be that being a good pitcher doesn't sound as fun to her as it does to you.

The tough thing for yourself is that you can't be objective here. I don't mean that as a criticism. It's just the way it is. You really want her to be a softball player. I'm the same way with my daughter. I just accept that fact about myself, and so when I can't be sure of my motives, whether I'm looking out for DD or really myself, I go to my wife, who doesn't care whether she plays softball. She's more objective and can react more appropriately on this particular subject.

Also, there is the possibility that she didn't want to play for this new team in the first place, but she wanted to please you. If that's the case, it's possible that you are partly responsible for this ill-fated decision to join this new team when her heart was not in it.

I'm not necessarily opposed to some of the solutions presented here, like having her take responsibility for money spent, but I would also congratulate her on making a very difficult decision about her life. She is doing what she believes is best for her, even if it might cause a parent to have a tantrum.
 
Feb 3, 2011
1,880
48
I'm with CB. I have to applaud a young person who decides an extracurricular isn't providing the value for their time and energy that *they* want. When she signed up for this team, was that at your urging? Or was it largely her decision? If so, then she owes you some or all of the money back, assuming she decides not to fulfill her commitment. If it was your decision, then you eat the cost, and find something worthwhile to do with your time, including other daddy-daughter activities.

Obviously, it's not my call, but I wouldn't force her to play if she really doesn't want to do it. Watching someone do something when their heart isn't in it is much worse than not seeing them do it at all, at least to me.
 

redhotcoach

Out on good behavior
May 8, 2009
4,706
38
Does she have a case of the winter blues? Or is she hanging with friends and doing stuff still?
 
Dec 5, 2012
4,143
63
Mid West
Thanks guys.
Your probably right about this being equally my fault. I have a hard time calling myself a coach when my own dd doesn't play...
I do think she's lazy though. She had gotten worse over the last year. When she was 12u and 14u she was a dominant player. Honestly one of the top kids around, but then something happened... all her competition had gotten better while she didn't continue to improve. Now that she has to work at being better than the competition, she rapidly lost interest. She said she'd still like to play HS just for fun.
 
Jun 27, 2011
5,089
0
North Carolina
She said she'd still like to play HS just for fun.

To me, this is a happy ending. You introduced her to a sport that she still enjoys enough to play for fun. I know a guy who was a tennis player, won several junior national titles, was an All-America player in college. Today, he has no interest in hitting a ball or teaching the game or stepping foot on the court. He's gone on to be happy in other pursuits, but there's still something a little sad about that to me. Your daughter is starting and ending her softball journey the same way - for the fun of it. I think that's great.
 
Oct 22, 2009
1,781
0
Thanks guys.
Your probably right about this being equally my fault. I have a hard time calling myself a coach when my own dd doesn't play...
I do think she's lazy though. She had gotten worse over the last year. When she was 12u and 14u she was a dominant player. Honestly one of the top kids around, but then something happened... all her competition had gotten better while she didn't continue to improve. Now that she has to work at being better than the competition, she rapidly lost interest. She said she'd still like to play HS just for fun.

This is tough. You see it all the time in those little natural athletes, then the ones that had to work real hard early on start passing them up and it just bursts their bubble. Now they have to learn to work hard.

Would have been cool for her to give you 2 weeks notice before quitting, like a job, maybe it's just the blues, and she'll realize that, but sounds like you got it all handled and it will all work out in the end for both of you.
Best of luck to you both!
 
Aug 26, 2011
1,285
0
Houston, Texas
Sounds like my DD almost except she says she still wants to play but doesn't want to pursue college ball. Of course, I take this with a grain of salt as she is excited about her HS coach contacting a D3 school about her (coach told her she already emailed him about her...she lit up). However, she has declared that if she doesn't play college ball, she definitely wants to commit to going to Texas A&M for engineering.

For us, when she told us this, it meant "back off...give me room to figure out what I want to do". We are doing just that, and surprisingly, she has relaxed visibly on all fronts. She is having fun...on all fronts. :)

Good luck...being a teen athlete is not easy, and the pressure certainly isn't pretty either. Looking back, I wouldn't wish this on any teenager or their parents. However, I know that life lessons are taught by being just that...an athlete. The life experiences/lessons are what DH & I are pushing onto DD, or so we thought...which is why we backed off.

Oh...DD gets her license in less than 2 weeks...she seems to think she will have more of a life then. She is in for a reality check so long as we pay for her gas and insurance. ;)
 

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