So tired of hearing "it's not fair" from other parents

I'm in Georgia and we are well into our high school season. We still have many weeks to go and I'm sick of the "it's not fair" already. Life isn't fair and I would expect parents to know this at this point in their lives. High school softball parents are some of the whiniest people ever. Let me say that DD sat the bench on varsity last year, as a freshman, and she deserved it. She wasn't hitting well and the coach put the best 9 on the field. DD was motivated by lack of play and worked her butt off in the offseason to compete this year. She is a starter this year and is hitting around .400 with a 1.000 fielding percentage, so she has earned it. We have a senior mom complaining because her DD is sitting the bench (this is also her DD's 1st season on varsity). Her DD didn't make varsity until she was a senior, and only played rec ball, with one season of travel at a low level, and it's not fair because her kid has been playing more years. So far our varsity has only lost one game. It was a scrimmage that our team was winning 1-0, when coach put the entire bench into the game, and we proceeded to lose 9-1. That should tell people that the best 9 were the starters. There have been 3 other games that the bench entered when the starters were winning by 7+ runs. However, it's not fair that sophomores and juniors are playing (and winning) while the seniors watch the game from the dugout. 8 of the starting 9 on varsity play travel ball with 5 of the 8 playing at a high level.

Then there are the JV parents. I will admit that most of the JV parents at DD's high school are fantastic. The JV team got a new uniform this year. That never happens at our school. Typically, the JV gets the old varsity uniforms, when the varsity gets new ones. Every player gets new socks every year. The varsity got 2 new uniforms this year (first new ones in 4 years), and the JV got one. We had a mom threaten to have her DD quit because JV doesn't have 2 uniforms like varsity. JV gets to play 1/2 the games as varsity, as many schools in our region just don't have enough girls to have 2 teams. If she wants 2 uniforms, JV will be wearing the hand-me-downs. Other JV parents are complaining about playing time, not being on varsity, not getting treated the same as varsity, etc.

All of this whining is exactly why I volunteer to keep the scoreboard, so I don't mix in with whiners during home games. At away games,I take my chair to right field so no one wants to complain to me. However, some still find me. I just want to mind my own business at the field, instead of listening to it.

Alright, vent is over. If you made it to the end, you are amazing.

The moral of the story is that life isn't fair and neither is high school softball. Get over it.

Also, the irony of me whining about people whining isn't lost on me.

Actually from the sounds of your post it appears that things are quite fair to all concerned. Players who are not producing are given playing time over those who are producing. Unfortunately in the public sector there are not supposed to be winners or losers so sports with the inherent successes and failures is problematic. The public school system pioneered awards for participation just because you showed up. The issue for many with regard to HS softball is that it is not equitable.

Correct. My point should have been that fair does not mean equal. The whiny parents are expecting "equal" by stating that things are not fair.

thatcrazymom said:

Correct. My point should have been that fair does not mean equal. The whiny parents are expecting "equal" by stating that things are not fair.

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I have found that by pointing out the difference between fair and equal can open many a parents mind to what is and should be happening.

The JV and varsity teams are treated in a more similar manner this year than in previous years. There was a coach (JV coach) who wanted the teams treated very differently so that the JV players would be more motivated to get better. That particular coach is now a head coach at another school. The current head coach was making the teams as equal as possible until the booster club account ran out of money. So this year's JV parents that are whining have no idea how much better it is fir them this year, over previous years. I also think the parents for JV and varsity this year, as a whole, are more motivated than previous years, so another set of JV uniforms may not be out of the realm of possibilities for next year.

I figured out the remedy back when DD played middle school ball. I give a "pass" for the first uncalled-for whining, second round I tell them pretty firmly why the situation........is what it is. Voila, they go find another shoulder to cry on and I can enjoy watching the girls play for the rest of the year. Works kinda like bug spray, if the bugs come back mid-season, you apply another "coat" and that keeps them away a while longer.

thatcrazymom said:

We have a senior mom complaining because her DD is sitting the bench (this is also her DD's 1st season on varsity). Her DD didn't make varsity until she was a senior, and only played rec ball, with one season of travel at a low level, and it's not fair because her kid has been playing more years.

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I think this is a big part of it. After playing rec where everyone gets to play the same amount or close to it, it can be hard for some people (both parents and kids) to make the transition to HS where it is about winning and the best players play the most.

I don't have a problem with complaints about unfairness. We should strive to make things fair, if possible, rather than just say ''life's not fair.'' But as riseball pointed out, this is not a case of unfairness. It's a case of parents not liking how the team is run and potentially stirring up dissension among other parents with public complaints. So it's probably not fair to the kids and the coach that the parent is bitchin' about it behind the coach's back.

On a different subject, we might get various opinions on the extent to which a coach should consider seniority in deciding playing time, if at all. I've found that parents tend to favor the point of view that benefits their daughter. When DD is a freshman, it should be all about the best player and winning. When she's a senior, she deserves a few perks beyond her raw abilities.

In fact, I'm about to face that issue. My DD is a rising 9th grader, and IMO, should make varsity. It's a school with literally 30+ travel players. I will be curious to hear my reaction when she makes JV, which is my current prediction.

dbronstein said:

I think this is a big part of it. After playing rec where everyone gets to play the same amount or close to it, it can be hard for some people (both parents and kids) to make the transition to HS where it is about winning and the best players play the most.

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Very very true. I'll add TB in the mix also. Rec usually requires equal playing time, TB rosters are small and that allows close/equal time. Some HS rosters are huge, no way to make everyone happy and have a successful season.