I was "that" parent...

DD has been working on her pitching over the course of a year and plays on a TB that has a few pitchers that are pretty darn good. She would be the #3. We sign her up in the Rec league to get circle time and she is a dominating pitcher in Rec. Her first two games conflict with her MS schedule so Rec coach finds a replacement and winds up getting a stud. Stud plays TB and only plays about half of the Rec games (pitching a couple, but primarily played SS) and never came to a practice. DD is the primary P and they go undefeated.

Rec playoffs come around and coach pitches stud in first game and says she's saving DD for the championship game. Stud wins her game. Next day, DD is expecting to pitch but stud gets the nod and the team gets the win. DD seems unaffected, and is happy they won. I'm personally not unhappy as DD loves to play SS too. Wife, however, is claiming DD is discouraged and is wondering why DD didn't get to pitch, claiming that is why she signed up for Rec, she made all practices, proved herself with results, blah blah blah (all valid points, I think). She convinces me to ask the coach what happened, and I obliged.

I hated every moment of it, but at the same time, felt I was defending my DD's honor somehow. I'm wondering how others would react or feel about me, as a parent, asking a coach about their game-time decisions with respect to what boils down to playing time. BTW, the conversation was very civil and simply addressed my curiosity as to why coach decided to not pitch DD. If you were to ask me who was actually the better player IMO, I would say in all honesty they were pretty much equal in ability although both were very different in style (DD harder thrower, stud more consistent) and either would dominate the games.

You weren't "that parent"

I may be wrong, and definitely off topic, but isn't there some rules saying TB players can't play REC state games?
Back on subject now, if you asked me about playing time I wouldn't have any problem telling you exactly why I made my decision. After that, it is up to you to accept it and walk on or become "that parent".

Personally (and these types of cases are VERY situational) I think if you are pre-16U everything is fine - assuming the conversation was all low-key and constructive. (if older I think you gotta let your kid start to handle their own affairs)

I am of the opinion that Rec ball IS more of that "socialist state" where everyone is more of an equal by dedication and attitude and effort. "Skill" can be set aside a bit in this "fun-league" case.

BUT at some point in the Rec ball season, if there is a playoff, I think the "play the best" approach should be applied - especially for the critical positions in the game.

That's my 2 cents.

Are you sure your DD wants to pitch? Not every kid wants to pitch. It sounds like your DW is really the one who wants your DD to pitch.

Some points for you, your DW and your DD to consider:

a) If your DD pitches at an advanced level, most likely she will pitch less than 50% of the games.
b) At advanced levels, your DD will most likely only play in games she pitches.
c) If she pitches, she will never be allowed to play SS, CF, 2B, C, or 3B.
d) A good SS will play every inning of every game for a team.

So, it is completely rational for your DD to say, "I'm glad someone else pitches. I would rather play SS. I don't want to pitch."

DD seems unaffected, and is happy they won. I'm personally not unhappy as DD loves to play SS too. Wife, however, is claiming DD is discouraged

Click to expand...

Note that you have two parents with two different perceptions of DD's state of mind. They both can't be correct. You and your DW could be reading your DD differently based on the same facts, or your DD could be pushing your DW's buttons.

As for pitching/playing time, I view it as up to the coach to determine. I do not "confront" the coach on this issue. Am I always happy? No. Do I live with it? Yes.

The girl pitched and won. Could your DD have won, too? Probably. If she wants circle time, she will have to beat out stud. Could it be that the coach needs your DD at SS?

Next time your wife sends you to do something, say "I couldn't possibly do that."

I don't think it's wrong to talk to the coach if you do it in a nice manner. Even better I don't know why your wife didn't talk to the coach if she was the one upset.

The question I have is who did the coach say he was save your DD for the championship game to? If he told her then he at least should have told her before not pitching her in the next game. He could have said we need you at SS, or something.

At the end of the day, you have to be your kids' advocate. You should be able to question things like play time (in a reasonable tone), etc. likewise, the coach has an obligation to respond in an appropriate manner. A good coach shouldn't mind explaining his/her actions or reasons for doing things a particular way. It sounds like in his case your coach was receptive to your questions.

I can tell you this - if the coach can't explain or won't explain, maybe he shouldn't be coaching your daughter. Then it looks like it's a personality conflict, or maybe he's doing the "daddy ball" thing. Just last week my wife questioned my daughter's coach and his response was "if you don't like it, you can leave". So we left. And others followed. Now he's left with 6 girls and three tournies left to play.

It sounds reasonable to me - although I have not done it myself and we are in your same position. I left it up to #1's parent to drink most of the day this past weekend and then march into the dug out to find out why my #3 or #4 was pitching instead of their #1 daughter, who typically pitches 80% of the innings. Haha just be glad you didn't do that!!