Frustrating Dilemma Due to Softball Politics

I'm having a hard time with a decision regarding what to do with my daughter next year. She's 10 and has been playing in our local recreational league for 4 years. Every year she was selected to the all star team, even when she was one of the youngest players on the team. So, clearly she has some talent. She's one of the best hitters in the league and has a decent arm. She's one of the few kids that can catch behind the plate and throw out runners. Last year she played as a 3rd grader in the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade rec team. They had no pitching so she stepped up and pitched - albeit underhand - but was able to get the ball over the plate with decent speed and accuracy. She was again selected as an all star for the league.

Along comes try out for the town 10U team this year and low and behold, she is the only girl who was not selected for the team out of 13 girls. I attended the try out and while she wasn't the standout player, she was clearly not the worst. In fact, she told me afterwards that she didn't want to throw hard to the girl she was throwing with because the girl couldn't catch the ball. Some of the girls at tryout dropped EVERY popup and couldn't reach first base on a throw from SS. When I got the call that she didn't make the team you could have knocked me over with a feather.

So, she tells me last November that she wants to try pitching windmill. I played club ball 25 years ago and one of the team's pitchers is now a SB coach at a private school and gives pitching lessons. So I take her to see my friend to determine whether this is worth any of our time. Within 4 months, she is pitching beautifully with decent speed and accuracy. She looks effortless.

Now, the dilemma. She is playing rec this year again with girls way below her level and I am assisting coach to make sure all of the girls on the team get decent coaching on the fundamentals, which I have always seen as lacking with the daddy coaches who never played the sport and never went over the basics. I didn't want to put her on a club team yet because i feel she needs pitching experience with the windmill facing live batters without the pressure of a club team at this point. Assuming she does well, should I have her play for the town team in the fall when all girls who sign up play (no tryouts due to many of the spring travel players doing a different fall sport) or have her tryout only for club? In a way, I'd love for her to play for the town team so they could see what they were missing out on this year and kick themselves in the butt for cutting her (I realize this is very selfish and childish). This would also prove to her peers that she is as good or better than they are.

Sorry for the long rant and thanks for indulging me. I've read such great advice on this forum and I thought I'd get this off my chest and let you all tell me how nuts I am. The politics of softball will only get worse as she gets older i assume. Just want to do what's best. Thanks for your time and advice.

Welcome to the forum.

What does your daughter say about this? What does she want to do?

Also, what is the 10U town team? Is that a travel team? Could it be that there were existing members of the team that didn't show up for tryouts?

Thanks for your reply. She wants to play period. She has talent and needs to be surrounded by players who are above rec level to elevate her game. The town team is a travel team limited to only town residents.

When he called to tell me my daughter didnt make the team,I asked the travel coordinator how many girls tried out and he said 14 tried out and 12 made the team. One girl opted not to play so the girl who dropped every ball and couldn't hit to save her life was offered her spot rather than my daughter. I just don't understand how this girl made the team if you base it on talent. In addition, girls whose parents were volunteers were placed on the team when they are inferior to my daughter based on talent. I asked the coordinator to give me some feedback on what my daughter was rated low on during the tryouts and he said he would get back to me. Of course he never did. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

As an aside, the current HS head coach is the 14u town travel team coach. So not sure if this would play a role in whether he plays "his girls" vs players who play club ball for another team when they reach HS. Lots to think about.

If she wants to play at the highest level she can and is willing to put in the time, not just to practice but to be playing softball all weekend several times a year, then look hard for a travel team. If she really wants to get better, it's not going to happen in rec ball.

Not sure if it's worth the effort to get feedback from the tryout or not. I'd probably want to hear what they have to say in case it was an attitude issue or something I couldn't see. Fact that the person you talked with can't muster an answer or return a call is unimpressive if not suspicious.

SBmom.. You're approaching this from the wrong direction. You seem to be approaching it from the direction of what makes YOU feel good. IE: You want to show them how good she is now...

Take a step back and look at what the options are for your DD. Look at a part time or full time B travel team that is near you or within a reasonable drive. From what your DD said about not wanting to throw the ball hard because she feared hurting a weaker player is a very BIG indicator she wants to be challenged. It sounds like your DD knows she needs/wants to be around like-minded players in order to grow.

Once your DD leaves rec I'll be willing to bet she'll never want to go back again. What she needs to understand is she's not leaving friends. She is gaining a team full of new friends. Her real friends in town will still be her friends. If they don't want to be friends over softball then she's lost nothing.

Thanks Sparky - totally agree with ALL of your comments.

We had a similar decision to make when DD was that age. We left the decision up to her. Ultimately it came down to her wanting to play at a higher level against better competition and play/practice year round so we went to travel ball. It's an entirely different world than rec so if your DD decides to try it, be prepared.

Several things you might want to know before you make a decision about moving to TB.

TB fees can be quite high depending on the organization and they vary by area and the number of tournaments the team plans on playing. In our area, the average fees are around $7-800 with our current team being $1100. The younger ages average around $6-700.

The time commitment is usually huge. Our team practices on fields and indoor facilities that are an hour and a half drive each way which we make twice a week. This doesn't mean that the right team fit for your DD may be not be closer but again, be prepared. Also, be ready to spend most weekends away from home during tournament season. Most tournaments start Friday evenings and depending on how far they go during elimination play on Sundays, you might not be home until late that evening. Our team this year is playing most of it's tournaments within an eighty mile radius but even then, we will be leaving early on Saturdays and Sundays and not return home until late those nights. All of this excludes the countless hours your DD will have to practice hitting and pitching at home during the week if she intends to shine in TB.

The last thing to take into consideration before making the decision to go to TB is the one you mentioned. Will politics play a part in whether your DD will play in MS/HS ball?

If you decide to go the TB route, there's a lot of good information on this site so might want to research what to look for in a TB team. This is a huge step so do your due diligence before making a decision about TB in general and about the various teams/organizations in your area.

Good luck!

Most likely you have two players on the team to begin with. Coaches DD and the assistants DD. That leaves 10 spots. Often times coaches will pick players based on familiarity with the family or girl. Sometimes they won't pick a player because of the family. TB makes for a long summer and getting along for the entire year can be difficult.

I've seen teams break apart at seasons end due to the politics of the game. Destroying a team that was championship caliber. Good luck!

Let her have a building year. Continue to see the PC regularly and let her confidence grow as she mows down her rec league competition.

Find a good hitting instructor. A team will not pass on a girl that is knocking the ball to the fence.
But, teams will pass on a girl, if mom or dad are a problem. That may not be your situation, it is just something to consider.